Back on track

I am back on track with my one meal a day. I think my husband's comment the other day had put me in "prove him wrong" mode! I also did not even get very hungry last night either even staying up until 1:30am (quite the norm for me).

I found out that my blog has some support. I have an email from "Lena Kae" (not her real name) and she is reading plus sending the link to others. I may not have the most interesting thoughts, but one thing I always offer and that is that I am REAL. I actually thought about not mentioning my train wreck yesterday, but this is the true me and my real struggles.

One of my main struggles is that I am so lazy. Lazy, lazy, lazy. On the flip side of that is the fact that I am very calm and laid-back. There is a flip side to every good and bad trait. Take today for instance, my house is a wreck as usual. There is an excuse behind that that I will discuss later. I need to do the dishes and I am putting it off because I have a sore on my finger that hurts when I put it in water. I need to clean in general, because there is constantly toys to trip over. Both of my children are in their pajamas and it is 3pm. I am a major procrastinator--for instance, the house can wait until after I return from vacation. It is a bigger job than what I can do in one day after all! This weekend is booked and then I will be in packing mode Monday and Tuesday. See how I am?

Of course, this laziness and procrastination has also effected my weight control efforts. It's always Monday I will start... or tomorrow... The general outcome is that when I do start, I do well throughout the morning and afternoon and by late afternoon I start feeling the stress of the day and want something sugary. I give in. I feel guilty and say again, "I will start tomorrow". Then proceed to indulge myself the rest of the evening. Another scenario is that I actually do make it through several days and lose some weight. All is well, right? Not so--I get bored with the endless eggs on low carb or sick of whatever I have restricted myself to. Then I get a brilliant idea to change diet plans! It is an endless cycle. By the way, my husband's comment to me is well-deserved (something like "I never stick to one thing"), but the truth hurts the most, right?

Added to my laziness and procrastination tendencies is my guilt factor. I feel guilty all the time. I feel guilty right now, because I am blogging instead of cleaning my house. My husband is a workaholic and is mowing both of our yards (temporary house and house being built--both huge yards) right now. He popped in the house briefly before going to mow and I was eating my one meal and watching "Days of Lives" (the other vice in my life). Wow, was I guilt-stricken! I was even trying to hide my food from him and act like I was not into my show. What was that? I told you I was real. What I was doing was not being real, but trying to hide me. If guilt were a motivator for me, that would be great, but it's not. It just makes me feel yucky.

Okay, so last night I was trying to visualize myself in a better way. You can see above how I visualize myself--fat, lazy, guilt-ridden, etc. I was trying to muster up a "new picture" of me. Positive thoughts bring positive results. I was doing this as I fell asleep last night. Instead of a new picture of me, I dreamed that I was dressing up as some sort of devil for Halloween. I had on red makeup, and black around the eyes and a black robe. Right before my son woke me, I was in someone's yard and it was daylight. I saw a small child playing outside and I was worried about scaring the child, so I was trying to hide my face and walk past the child. I just wanted to record that dream, so that I can remember it and try to figure out if it is revealing anything.

I am starting a course called Communion with God soon. It speaks of dream interpretation. Sometimes dreams are a way to figure out problems in your life. All I know is I was wanting a new picture of me to visualize and instead I was dressed up as a devil. Perhaps I have to take off the old picture of me first. Take off the ugliness. Sounds good.

Enough rambling for today. Did I mention I LOVE "one meal a day"? So perfect for a lazy procrastinator.