Unable to get back on the wagon!!

This is so pathetic! It should not take this long for me to get back on the wagon and shake the "vacation mode". I have been SO lazy and SO out of it this week! This coming week I am starting my "summer job" for the next 5 weeks and I really should have been in high gear getting my house straightened up last week, but all I did was sit on my fanny all day and eat.

The other night, I experienced an embarrassing "caught red-handed" kind of situation with my husband. He had wanted to take the kids to get ice cream and then decided it was too late and that he would just go buy ice cream since we had toppings given to us by the church. I tried suggesting other things like going to McDonald's drive through, etc. etc. ANYTHING except admitting to him that the toppings were gone! He was so sure that we had them...I was sick with dread. I finally told him that they were gone, but I didn't exactly say that I ate it all--my daughter did help me with a little bit. A very little bit. What can I say? I absolutely love ice cream and it was my two favorite toppings (hot fudge and strawberry). I love them mixed like a chocolate-covered strawberry flavor.

Anyway...I get up every morning intending to eat once and by afternoon have given up. Though it should not be, I have been stressed this week. Very tense and I have no idea why. My kids have driven me crazy--though I am not sure if that is a reason for the stress or they just got to me more this week because I was stressed already. Today we had two picnics to attend. I ate at both, but light at the second one.

No excuses tomorrow. Since I am struggling with the whole jumping back on the wagon, I am going to do a wimpy thing and postpone the cutting out sugar for another week. I know--terrible. However, I think that may be one of the reasons I have been resisting "the wagon" this week. I am concentrating on "beautiful food" though. It is a thought that I had this week--eat beautiful food to be beautiful. Speaking of which, my favorite food at the picnics was veggies and dip--that is not normal for me. Apparently, I am changing for the better--tiny step by tiny step. By beautiful food, I mean fruits and veggies--and some nuts and beans. Dead animal is not beautiful at all--and no, I am not a vegetarian--just stating a fact.

Vacation was too much fun....

And no, I did not stick to one meal a day. The best part of it (remember I am a mom of two) was being cooked for. I stayed with old friends and was cooked for for breakfast and dinner, plus was eating lunch out every day. So...I gained 1 1/2 lbs. Not bad considering. However, since I have returned home, I think I have had too much milk and I am bloated. All the capris, shorts, and skirts that I wore on vacation will not go on my body. How do I go from them fitting to not buttoning that quickly?! So I am having some semi-depression over that situation.

Plus...I have been home for two days and am still in "vacation mode". I have always had trouble shaking the vacation mindset. I love it too much. So anyway, my body says "Go back to one meal a day! Pronto!" It is also now time to give up the sugar and high fructose corn syrup (the evil !&#!*$&#'s ) This morning I was totally planning to get back on the train and walked right in on a retirement breakfast party. Who has breakfast parties?! It looks as if I will be working some this summer 1/2 days 4 days a week starting next week. Sure need the money--I am paying for the new furniture for our house. My job will be part of Energy Express, which serves breakfast and lunch to kids (plus summer school stuff). I will not participate in the meals.

Getting ready for vacation!

Okay, as I left you yesterday I was in dire straits. I am happy to inform you that I MADE IT through the day! I have also only had one meal today. I am telling you I love this way of eating. So freeing!

I have been busy today. First, I had to "do" the playgroup, as in be in charge of it. I had to come up with some crafts, snack, etc. Not exactly what I wanted to do when I needed to pack for vacation tomorrow. Translation for all the men out there...I had to do all the laundry, clean house, wash the dog, pack for me and my 2 kids, etc. etc. I was putting in laundry last night and my husband came in and was talking to me about the trip and I screwed up! Made me so mad! Instead of washing the dirty laundry...I rewashed the already clean laundry. This girl needs a vacation bad!!

This afternoon I was overcome with my sore throat and headache that I have been trying my best to drown with Airborne. I took some Ibuprofen and have been able to keep going with the packing and also cleaning the gym tonight. Hopefully, I kicked it's butt and it is done.

I probably will not be posting during vacation. I will return on Monday, June 23rd but may not post until Tuesday or Wednesday. I definately plan to keep on plan during vacation and after returning home, I will be cutting out the white sugar and high fructose corn syrup. My drug of choice.

Trudging along

I ate too early this morning and I am hungry this evening too early. Another factor was that the day was just weird. I was SO tired from the weekend and wanting to sleep this morning. It was perfect sleeping weather--stormy this morning. My daughter woke up with a stuffy nose and needed Vicks. The Vicks was outside in the car. Wanting so badly to go back to sleep, I decided to just go get it in the storm and rain. I went out first and then realized it was locked in the trunk. Back inside to get the keys and then retrieve it. By the time I got back to my daughter, she had woke up her brother. He was fussing that his eyes wouldn't stay open and I said "go back to sleep then". I think they both made a good effort to sleep again, but it just did not happen. Which irritated me from the beginning. Plus, the power was going on and off. The satellite dish was not wanting to show any cartoons to keep my kids happy and quiet. So I ended up eating earlier than normal.

But that really wasn't the worst of it--I did not have much to choose from to eat, so what I ate was not "fulfilling". Know what I mean? On top of that, I have a cold trying to surface so I am popping some Airborne tablets today. I also have some slight intestinal disturbance (Shh...do not tell my mother-in-law). I am working at the gym currently--no food to tempt here...only protein bars and drinks. No thanks and thank goodness! If I worked at the convenience store, I would be sunk right now.

Too busy to post!

I am SO tired from working at the teen retreat. It is extremely long hours getting up at the crack of dawn and preparing for the next day into the early hours of the morning. I have gotten 8 hrs of sleep in two nights! I actually got home this afternoon and crashed for about 3 hours--totally OUT! Luckily my children crashed too and poor Daddy on Father's Day went to his first softball game in 9 yrs by himself. He would have loved for us to come and watch, but it was just not possible. My daughter "helped" at the teen retreat also--well, as much as a 4-yr old CAN help! She did well most of the time, but no wonder she crashed today as well. Helping AND watching her all weekend was double work for me! It was all good though and I had fun!

So did I stick to one meal a day? Ahh...no. The long hours AND working in the kitchen all weekend did not go well together. However, I did only eat 2 meals and I did not eat that much at a time. I am not about beating myself up over this or I will end up just throwing up my hands and giving up once again. Not going to happen! I love this one meal a day plan too much for that! Considering how active I was and how absolutely sweltering the weather was, I think that I did well. I will check later to see if I gained anything.

Quick post

Quick post today because I'm busy, busy! I do have very important and exciting news!--I am down a couple pounds! I weighed 179 last evening at the gym! It is always exciting to "break another decade" too.

My one meal today was at the playgroup room while I was watching 6 kids--2 of my own. I was elected to babysit during a meeting today. They bought pizza and creamsicles for the kids, so guess what my one meal consisted of. It was yummy! I must say that I hit full way quicker than I normally do. That is also very exciting!

I am heading out again to help out at a Christian teen retreat. I will be decorating tables for the meals this weekend hopefully (I have to take at least one of my kids with me, so it should be interesting). At these retreats, the participants eat like six huge meals a day--way too much food and yet every time food is put out, they eat. And yes, when I was a participant, I definately ate EVERY time food was put out.

Back on track

I am back on track with my one meal a day. I think my husband's comment the other day had put me in "prove him wrong" mode! I also did not even get very hungry last night either even staying up until 1:30am (quite the norm for me).

I found out that my blog has some support. I have an email from "Lena Kae" (not her real name) and she is reading plus sending the link to others. I may not have the most interesting thoughts, but one thing I always offer and that is that I am REAL. I actually thought about not mentioning my train wreck yesterday, but this is the true me and my real struggles.

One of my main struggles is that I am so lazy. Lazy, lazy, lazy. On the flip side of that is the fact that I am very calm and laid-back. There is a flip side to every good and bad trait. Take today for instance, my house is a wreck as usual. There is an excuse behind that that I will discuss later. I need to do the dishes and I am putting it off because I have a sore on my finger that hurts when I put it in water. I need to clean in general, because there is constantly toys to trip over. Both of my children are in their pajamas and it is 3pm. I am a major procrastinator--for instance, the house can wait until after I return from vacation. It is a bigger job than what I can do in one day after all! This weekend is booked and then I will be in packing mode Monday and Tuesday. See how I am?

Of course, this laziness and procrastination has also effected my weight control efforts. It's always Monday I will start... or tomorrow... The general outcome is that when I do start, I do well throughout the morning and afternoon and by late afternoon I start feeling the stress of the day and want something sugary. I give in. I feel guilty and say again, "I will start tomorrow". Then proceed to indulge myself the rest of the evening. Another scenario is that I actually do make it through several days and lose some weight. All is well, right? Not so--I get bored with the endless eggs on low carb or sick of whatever I have restricted myself to. Then I get a brilliant idea to change diet plans! It is an endless cycle. By the way, my husband's comment to me is well-deserved (something like "I never stick to one thing"), but the truth hurts the most, right?

Added to my laziness and procrastination tendencies is my guilt factor. I feel guilty all the time. I feel guilty right now, because I am blogging instead of cleaning my house. My husband is a workaholic and is mowing both of our yards (temporary house and house being built--both huge yards) right now. He popped in the house briefly before going to mow and I was eating my one meal and watching "Days of Lives" (the other vice in my life). Wow, was I guilt-stricken! I was even trying to hide my food from him and act like I was not into my show. What was that? I told you I was real. What I was doing was not being real, but trying to hide me. If guilt were a motivator for me, that would be great, but it's not. It just makes me feel yucky.

Okay, so last night I was trying to visualize myself in a better way. You can see above how I visualize myself--fat, lazy, guilt-ridden, etc. I was trying to muster up a "new picture" of me. Positive thoughts bring positive results. I was doing this as I fell asleep last night. Instead of a new picture of me, I dreamed that I was dressing up as some sort of devil for Halloween. I had on red makeup, and black around the eyes and a black robe. Right before my son woke me, I was in someone's yard and it was daylight. I saw a small child playing outside and I was worried about scaring the child, so I was trying to hide my face and walk past the child. I just wanted to record that dream, so that I can remember it and try to figure out if it is revealing anything.

I am starting a course called Communion with God soon. It speaks of dream interpretation. Sometimes dreams are a way to figure out problems in your life. All I know is I was wanting a new picture of me to visualize and instead I was dressed up as a devil. Perhaps I have to take off the old picture of me first. Take off the ugliness. Sounds good.

Enough rambling for today. Did I mention I LOVE "one meal a day"? So perfect for a lazy procrastinator.